Repo! The Super Genetic Opera

What? Title for what?!

Hello? HELLO?? Is this damn thing even on? Can you hear me? HELLO?! COUGH Uh… this is uh… Barney Rutherford, of the famous Rutherford family. If you are listening to this recording, that means I’m DEAD! No, I’m not really dead, just old. And if you are listening to this, that means that I finally got this damn thing to work – provided it wasn’t made by some China-kid or Mexican.

So that cutie Melanie Pipper has some hot shot (Mr. Ari Gold) from Tinsel Town giving her a bunch of free shit all the time I suppose. He told us that we could all fly out to San Diego for some convention called Commie-con. WHAT?! COMMIES?! I would have no such part in that red propaganda. Somehow they others convinced me to go anyway, so I figured I could at least knock a few heads together.

It was an eventful trip there. My “companions” ended up making some trouble with the law, which is fine by me because, you know, the Rutherfords don’t take kindly to the police, or anyone else for that matter. Long story short, we cracked a few skulls and finally ended up in California.

Now, on entering the convention center, I went straight into hunt mode. However, I was taken aback by how the commies dress these days. What a bunch of freaks. How can they expect anyone to take them seriously running around in capes and reading comic books? HA! I don’t know what’s wrong with this younger generation. I figured there’s no point in trying to talk so sense into them so after meandering about all day, picking my butt, I went to the bar for some drinks. After a few rounds, I started to watch the bartender. There was something not quite right about him. That’s was it! He was using powers to cool the drinks! That commie bastard was using powers right in the open… well I guess we were doing the same all these days, but not at a place of work where anyone could find him! I confronted the guy, and attempted to apprehend the suspect. His inferior skill was no match for mine! I held him there for 15 straight hours. FIFTEEN! The bastard was hard to break, but eventually I had to go relieve myself and he got away under the watch of Melanie and Alejandro de Ortega. I guess he agreed to go with us to the dealer, so it was all fine I suppose.

That night we went back to our hotel. I was ready already sick of this place, and I got to bed late, around 7 PM. But shortly after I fell asleep, I heard noises in the main room of our suite. It was Kenny Powerz with a bunch of hookers! Hot damn! Nothing like a beautiful broad to get this old man’s blood flowin’! There was booze, and smokes, and some funny negro guy next door. We partied all night, til about 10 PM when I fell asleep with a hooker on top of me.

I woke up the next day, and the negro man, who said his name was LeVar Burton said that he would come back to Century City with us. We were to meet that mutant bartender from the other night at the dealer’s place. We arrived at our destination only to find that he had ratted us and the dealer out to the Mutant Task Force! That commie bastard! I gave ‘em all the ol’ one-two, just like I did in ’Nam, end of story.

Now, my memory’s a little fuzzy mind you, so don’t take everything I say word-for-word, but it’s the truth! So long, shit lords! Barney Rutherford, out! Is it off now? Is it off now?? What’s that blinking light mean? Here, you take it before I shove my boot up your ass Olivia Khloasov, you filthy commie. Or I’ll make you look at naked pictures of Ali Babba Sihng!!! Uh, don’t ask why I have those.

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Pros at Cons

How could this happen. I said I would never be caught by surprise again. It’s here. the dreaded day of all days will shortly be upon us. A day with such complicated mix of reward and disgust, glee and regret, which I hesitate to even write it upon this page. It is called simply…COMIC-CON.
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I can’t believe it; it feels like only yesterday that I nearly had my top ripped off by that crazy coked-out black guy at the last convention. Luckily my agent was able to keep that out of the press. Every once in a while he does something to remind me why I keep him around. Little did I know, that today would be no different. When I get a call from him reminding me of my impending fun he lets me know that we are being flown out in a private jet, slightly unorthodox but not unheard of. I mean usually they comp my room and a first class ticket for these things but not usually a private jet.
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With this jet comes the perfect opportunity for us to get out of the city. With all the commotion going around that may start to point to certain members of these “Super friends” …”Super Acquaintances” Everyone is in on this idea, except Ali Baba, which is just fine with me, but Victor seems to have an idea for an additional member for the team. I feared another bizarre character to be added to our crew, but my imagination could not have prepared me for IT. It was some sort of sickly colored elk or something. My eyes could barely take in the entirety of what I was seeing. It chilled my bones the first time I heard it speak. It was some sort of shape changing creature. Which was a good, it would be fairly difficult to sneak an alien around. So the creature decides to pretend to be my pet dog. Well that should be fun.
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Ali decides to give us all a ride to the airport, which was probably the worst idea anyone’s ever had. There was traffic, we got into an accident, we got pulled over, and I think I might have murdered a highway patrol officer. But the rest of the trip was fairly peaceful. I kicked back and relaxed as we flew to California. But it seemed like Alejandro kept looking at me, or perhaps I was just looking at him more. Shit, it’s been 3 months since I’ve been intimate with anyone. Looking at my current choices it’s no wonder Alejandro is starting to look good. The Alien is probably second in line if I had to bed someone.
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Once on the ground again we meet up with my agent. And now is the time where it looks like everything’s coming up Melanie. He informs us that he has negotiated a contract for a “Portal Jumpers” movie. This is fantastic. Also could work as a great cover for our antics. So I work the negotiation to include some of my compatriots into the movie. This Comic-con will definitely be better than last year. We do a quick Q and A about the antics of Century City as well as the movie announcement, and all goes well. Then we get a call from the dealer he wants us to ferret out some more supers while we are on the west coast. I decide to lay low, but while at the bar Alejandro and Barney notice that the bartender has been using ice skills to chill the drinks. Once things start to escalate I excuse myself outside, not wanting to be tied to these events. It sucks being so recognizable ALL THE TIME. Sometimes it would be nice to have a perception filter device like episode #48 of Portal Jumpers.
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That night we adjourn to the penthouse sweet and Kenny thinks I would really enjoy it if he brought some strippers over. And Barney is into it too. This is my room and I am not having it. After insisting several times that that they leave only to have it fall onto deaf ears. I decided to take a bit of a stronger approach. I pull Kenny aside and ask him point blank if he was going to obey me. He said no so in a flash I Portal his arse into the pool. Then I tell the whores to leave and lock the door. In a matter of minutes Kenny is back, soaking wet, pissed, and pleading. But he will not be getting in. Instead he takes his stuff and Barney to who knows where. That just left me, the alien and Alejandro alone in the penthouse. I invited Alejandro into my room, and let’s just say that we enjoyed some “quality time” together, But before the conclusion of our activities a stereo comes barreling through the wall and through the whole I see Barney, Kenny, The Whores, and…LeVar Burton‽ Really‽ After he tried to rip my top off last year, he goes and pulls a stunt like this‽
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On the plane we are joined by LeVar, the bartender and some guy that Olivia dragged in. All stays quiet till we get to The Dealer’s place. Then in a blur powers are taken alarms are wailing. We are running. We’re driving, and then we see The Iron Enforcer flying towards the hideout. It seems inconspicuousness and secrets are something we desperately need.

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